The Suit by Dustin Carter
This short story came to mind a few weeks ago when my son and I were driving to Dallas to see my daughter cheer. I was listening to Joe Rogan's interview with That Mexican OT while I was driving, and somehow, my mind went to them being hitmen. It stayed in my head for a day or two, and I eventually just started writing it. It is Tarantinoish (Is that a word?) with Jules and Vincent. I hope you enjoy it, Austin.
The Suit by Dustin Carter
The car pulled up to the curb, and Johnny picked up his phone and called his partner Juan.
“I’m outside,” said Johnny. Nothing else was said as he instantly tapped the end button on his phone.
A few minutes later, Juan came walking out of the house. Johnny was in the car by himself, and as soon as he saw Juan step outside, he asked himself, “What the fuck is he wearing?”
Juan took his time and strolled right up to the car. He was wearing a white University of Texas button-up baseball jersey, golf shorts with low-top nikes, and white tube socks.
“Who the fuck taught you how to dress?” asked Johnny as soon as Juan opened the car door.
“What are you talking about? I figured it was time to blend in with the people. Look like the regular person in Austin who’s going to the game tonight,” Juan replied as he sat down in the car.
“You can’t dress like that in this line of business,” replied Johnny as he put the car in drive and took off.
“Why can’t I? I was thinking about it, and we dress like businessmen every day.”
“Yes. We need to show everyone we mean business. Did you look at yourself in the mirror?”
“Of course I did. I look good. I can walk into any bar in this town and blend in. I’m dressed like one of the people.”
“We’re not trying to blend in. We need to put forth the look that we mean business. When someone looks at me, they know I’m here for a damn good reason. I’m here to accomplish a goal.”
“Have you seen the places we have to go? Two grown men walking up in a suit and tie. That looks suspicious. I mean, who wears a suit these days? I’ll tell you who wears a suit: businessmen, politicians, and professional killers. And we sure as hell are not businessmen or politicians.”
“Well, when I walk into somewhere, I want them to know I mean business. Someone will see you walking up and looking like that, and they will probably try to fight you. Make a bigger mess than we need to deal with.”
“Nothing like that will happen. I just think it’s smarter to move in and move out and not be seen. Just think of what I’m wearing as camouflage.”
“That’s not camouflage,” replied Johnny as he continued to pull out of the subdivision where Juan lived and worked his way to the toll road.
“Plus, it’s a hell of a lot cooler than wearing that suit you are wearing.”
“Naw, ain’t nothing cool about what you’re wearing. You look like a fool wearing that. Fools are not cool.”
“We’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, Johnny.”
“That’s not going to happen. Here’s what we are going to do. We’re going to do this job that we need to do. Then, once we take care of this issue, we will go down to the suite store, and we’re gonna get you a new suit.”
“Not going to happen. I’m wearing this from now on. Where do you put your piece at with that getup on?”
“It’s right here,” replied Juan as he lifted up his jersey and had his pistol tucked inside the wasteland.”
“Where’s your silencer and extra mags?”
“Right here,” said Juan as he lifted the other side of his shirt.
“What about a knife? Where did you put that?”
“It’s in my pocket.”
“You have your extra piece on your ankle? Where’s that at?”
“I don’t need it.”
“That’s why you need a suit.”
“So, the only reason I need a suit is to carry an extra sidearm?”
“Yea, that, and you will look good,” Johnny replied as he merged onto the highway heading north.
“I look good now.”
“You’re wearing a baseball jersey. You know baseball players wear those as part of their uniform.”
“This is my uniform. Watch how I move in and out of places while you look like the person who kills people. They will pick you out of a lineup with what you are wearing.”
“That’s where we differ, Juan.”
“Why’s that?”
“There won’t be anyone left alive to pick me out of a lineup.”
“We will see about that.”
A few minutes of silence passed while Johnny and Juan were driving north. They were stuck in traffic even though the tolls were supposed to be faster and traffic-free.
As they sat in traffic, Johnny glanced over at Juan and shook his head in disappointment.
Nothing was said until Juan couldn’t take it anymore, “What’s your problem?”
“You look like a fool. In this business, we can’t go around looking like fools. We’re supposed to be the best at our jobs and professionals at that. And you’re out here looking like you’re about to go watch a baseball game, eat a hot dog, and spill mustard all over your shirt.”
“I’m not going to drop mustard on this shirt. Damn, jersey cost me a bill. There ain’t no way I’m gonna drop any mustard on this shirt. As a matter of fact, as soon as we get done with this job, we’re gonna stop off at the 7-11, and I’m gonna get one of those hot dogs that have been rolling around on that grill all day. I’ll load that thing up with mustard, relish, and ketchup, and I guarantee you I won’t drop any of it.”
“We’ll see soon enough,” replied Johnny as he exited the toll road and turned down a neighborhood.
“You know where we are going?” asked Juan.
“Yeah, just a few streets up. We will take a left, and the house will be three houses down. Should be a brick house with a red garage door. Husband and a wife with a couple of kids. Kids should be at school and the wife at work. The husband should be home alone,” replied Johnny.
“You sure he’s home alone?”
“He should be. I’m not a psychic. And I don’t have a camera sitting in front of his house, but he should be home alone.”
“What if he’s not.”
“Then we take care of business. Get in and get out.”
Johnny finally pulled up to the house, and one car was in the driveway. He pulled up just past the driveway, and they both got out of the vehicle. Johnny buttoned up his jacket while Juan straightened up his jersey. As he walked up to the house, he screwed the silencer onto his pistol. Johnny did the same. Johnny rang the doorbell, and after thirty seconds, no one came to the door.
Johnny pointed to the door, and Juan instantly knew what to do. Juan put three bullets into the door lock and another two in the area where the door hinges were. As soon as he did this, he kicked the door in.
They entered the house and searched every room until they finally found what they were looking for. They found the man they were looking for in the little girl’s room. He was hiding under his child’s bed.
Juan pulled the man out and took him to his bathroom. Johnny followed behind.
“Where’s the money you owe, Big Mike?” asked Juan.
“I don’t have it,” replied the man. He didn’t respond to Juan, who asked the question. He replied to Johnny.
Juan flipped his pistol around and stuck the man in the face with the handle, instantly gashing open his forehead.
“You see what just happened?” asked Johnny.
“No, what happened. Did I miss something?”
“Yeah, you missed something. He didn’t reply to you; he replied to me. It’s because of what you’re wearing.”
“Did you not reply to me because of what I’m wearing?” asked Juan.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” replied the man who had blood running down his face.
“Fuck this. Where’s my money?” demanded Juan.
“I don’t…”
Juan didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. He put two shots into the guy’s chest and one in his head, just like he was taught.
“Let’s go,” said Juan as he turned around and left the restroom.
Johnny saw what had happened and walked out behind Juan. “There’s another reason you need to be wearing a suit.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, when you wear a suit, you also have a jacket on. Some come with two buttons, and others with three buttons. There are some suits with more buttons than that.”
“What’s your point?” asked Juan as they walked out of the house and got into the car.
As Johnny was putting on his seat belt, he replied, “My point is that if you were wearing a suit, you would not have ruined that jersey with the blood splatter from shooting that guy.
Juan looked down and saw his brand-new jersey was covered in blood. Johnny put the car in drive and took off.